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the 10 things you need to build your dream house

I know what you’re thinking…

The #1 thing you need to build a house is money, right? Mucho dinero… Yes, you need a fabulous chunk of change to buy a piece of land and really, to have the audacity to build a brand new, luxury custom home on it.

But it’s not the most important thing you need. Hell, it’s not even in the top 10 most important things you need before you go on this journey of building.

What could possibly be more important?

Well, sit down honey, and pour yourself a stiff one, because the woo-woo, touchy-feely intangibles that are coming your way are likely the last things on your mind when you think of building your dream house. But as an interior designer who has worked with many couples on their new builds and helped them navigate what promises to be a potentially overwhelming process, these 10 things are incredibly important!

Without further ado, my dahlings… here are the 10 most important things you need to have in place before you embark on the journey of building YOUR luxury custom dream home!

Drum roll please….

1. The “Dream”

Okay, I’m stating the obvious, but if you can’t imagine it, you can’t build it. Even if it’s just a tiny seed of an idea in your head, the house of your dreams has to start from, well, your dreams!

Some people (hi, pick me!) have spent their whole lives dreaming about their one-day house. When I was 22, on my very first trip to the States, I arrived San Diego (and thought the whole of the US was that beautiful!).

While walking along the adorable shop-lined hilly streets of La Jolla, I saw a gorgeous house at the top of a cliff with a huge drop to the ocean. The house was a contemporary castle, lording over La Jolla. All white, with swathes of huge windows and nonstop views, I decided that that house was my idea of heaven. A few years later, to personalize a screensaver on my new laptop, I looked for a house worthy of the ‘dream house’ lexicon and landed the incredible work of art below - it’s the masterful Hillside Project in LA by SAOTA Architecture. Like the San Diego jewel, this one is a contemporary masterpiece. I didn’t realize how much of an impression both houses had made on my subconscious, or how they had turned the idea of ‘dream house’ in my mind to this one.

Image Source: SAOTA Architects - Hillside Project, Los Angeles, CA

Fast forward to two decades after seeing that La Jolla house, and the Doc (my husband and partner in crime throughout this fabulous adventure called life) and I were in our 2nd meeting with our new architects. We’d talked about houses we’d liked, of course, but didn’t want anything crazy opulent. Just something our two girls could grow up in with plenty of space for us to entertain, and lots of yard left for a large, gorgeous pool. But somehow, our incredibly talented architects from Hollenbeck Architects came up with this stunning design below. (And yes, if you need one, I highly recommend them - tell them I referred you!)

When we first saw their clean, contemporary design, I was speechless. If you know me, you know that ‘Quiet Tash’ is an oxymoron. But I was so struck with the magic of it all – the fact that somehow (how?) these architects whom we barely knew had, as their first draft, drawn a house that looked strikingly similar to those masterpieces I had fallen in love with years ago.

So dream, my little one, dream big. Dream crazy. Because those dreams will, somehow, form the building blocks of your new build’s design. It won’t look exactly the same. Or be the same. But there will be the most delicious sliver of a melody that connects them and only you’ll be able to hear that glorious tune…

(Btw, if you’d like to follow along on how an Interior Designer builds her own dream home, sign up for our newsletter below and follow us on Instagram. It’s going to be quite the adventure!)

2. What’s the Big Idea?

“Ideas are capital. Everything else is just money.” I must have heard that a million times growing up. My father’s favorite saying, he drove home the belief that the ideas – no matter how crazy or far-fetched – were the power behind everything. Ideas are where the value lies.

In terms of building a new house, the ideas and pictures that you describe and show to the architects, designers – hell, even yourself – become a medium of visual communication when details are impossible to describe, or when you don’t know the language. So sign yourself up for a Pinterest account and start pinning everything that strikes your fancy, even if you don’t know why. Especially if you don’t know why. Even if there is no way in hell you’d put that thing in your house. If it grabs your attention, pin it. Because you might just be after a certain feel. And that ‘feel’ is where the magic is.

How your house feels is much more important than how it looks.

You may be thinking: “What kind of crazy interior designer is this woman if she doesn’t think how a house looks is the most important thing?”

How your house looks is NOT the most important thing. There, I said it.

If it LOOKS like a million bucks, but you FEEL like you’ll break something at every turn, you’re never going to relax in that space. And if you never relax in that space, well, it’s not HOME is it? If it LOOKS AMAZING, but you FEEL like it’s a cold, barren place that is unwelcoming, and all you wanted was warm and welcoming, then it’s not HOME, is it?

So first, think about how you want your home to FEEL.

This is a hard practice. Much, much harder than it looks. And it’s truly why I have the clients that I have: because I am able to translate how they want their homes to feel into a visual symphony of pieces and how they’ll work together.

Here’s a good place to start. Imagine walking up to your front door. See yourself opening that door; feel the weight of the door as you push it in. Now step into your entryway and stop for a moment. How does it feel to be home? Are you energized? Excited? Refreshed? Relaxed? Empowered? Calm?

I warned you this might feel a bit woo-woo! You still with me? Good. Because THIS is how interior design is done, my friends. This is how the magic is created.

Once you’ve done this a few times and you’ve got the feeling down, think about all the spaces you frequent throughout your day at home individually and imagine how you want to feel in each those spaces. Imagine walking into the kitchen and figuring out how you want to feel there. Imagine walking into your bedroom - what do want that space to evoke in you.

Spending time on this can really minimize the huge overwhelm of the countless design decisions required down the road. Because if you know how you want a space to feel, you’ll automatically reach for wall coverings or tile or floor that invokes that feeling. The design process becomes that much easier and flows so much better.

All this may sound great to you, but you’re wondering, how on earth does this play out? Well, I’m a walking example, my friend. The Doc and I lead incredibly busy lives by design. We run around like headless chickens! We love the adrenalin that comes from starting a new business, investing in property, and the excitement of a fabulous night out. We adore traveling to exotic new places and exploring new avenues. And we love hanging with our family – our two larger-than-life girls, Zig & Olive, and our cuter-than-any-dog-I’ve-ever-met puppy, Blue. Add to the mix that I love color and high contrast – vibrant bold hues and intense statement pieces, nothing wishy-washy or non-committal – and work in design all day everyday.

With all of this, you might assume I’d love to feel excited and energized when I walk into my home. Nope. On the contrary. With all the balls that I juggle at any given time, the only thing I want my home to feel like is a sanctuary. I want to feel like I’m on a beach in Bali, or some other tropical paradise, that is steeped with calm and has a rich tapestry of a history. I want to feel that my home has a sense of place, and as such, I have somewhere to belong. So I lean towards soft white walls, white linen curtains, coppery tones, mixed metals, rich brown leathers a mix of natural woods, lots of patina, distressed woods, velvet and other soft textured materials, and of course, always a nod to the blues and greens of the ocean.…

3. talk to me, baby

COMMUNICATION. This one is huge, baby!

I know couples who shouldn’t be choosing a car together, let alone building a house together. Come on, you know some like that right? Where they disagree on everything? Where if one of them is always in bright, crazy prints and the other one always shows up in a uniform of sorts – white button down, khakhi shorts? Where one of them is peanut-butter-and-jelly-sandwiches all the way and the other wants the ceviche or crab tower? Okay, I’ll admit that some of these couples just work (only God knows how!).

So before you go on this adventure, really, really, really think about what your communication style with your partner is. Because there are a thousand and one decisions to make along the way and believe it or not, you’re not going to agree on some of them, or even a lot of them. With some of the decisions you may not even know that you care so much about until they come up– who the hell cares so much about the color of their trim?!? – but you suddenly find that you do.

Before you begin this process, seriously consider whether you’d be better off finding a move-in-ready house, no major decisions necessary. Are you and your marriage really ready for these decisions? Is it worth it?

4. PICK YOUR BATTLES

Compromise is the name of this game. Another BIG one. In life, you can’t have it all. Okay, you can – just not all at once. It’s the same with building a house.

Before you start, figure out your absolutes. The things you can’t live without, if any. And where you’re not willing to budge. And then figure out where you are. And, if you care about your relationship with your partner, make sure that the list of things you are willing to be open-minded on is much, much longer than your list of absolute must-haves. Trust me, it’ll work well for you.

For me, I wanted a grand entrance (check!), a wall of windows overlooking that stunning backyard and those trees (check!), a large pantry & mudroom (check!) and an actual, honest-to-God master bathroom tub under a window (check!). Everything else was negotiable. Of course, I had preferences. I mean, come on, I have lots of preferences! But not ones I cared to argue about. The Doc wanted a big kitchen (um, no argument here), nothing on the kitchen island – no sink, no cooktop, just a large flat space (I didn’t care enough to disagree), a 3-car garage (again, no big deal to me, and let’s face it, l’ll love the extra ‘storage space’), and a fabulous outdoor space, pool and outdoor shower (um, where do I sign up?).

We both wanted an efficient house with as little wasted space (no random hallways or ridiculously oversized rooms) as possible, and specifically didn’t want the kind of Texas-sized master bathrooms where you could fit a sectional in the middle of your bathroom. Done and done. Oh, and we wanted the kids upstairs. Well, our architects did all that and more – they granted us our own, very private wing. Score.

5. can you feel the pain?

When you’re in the process of building a new house, the last thing you want to think about is your old one. You want to look forward, not backwards! I get it, buttercup, but feeling the pain is going to make your new house even more fabulous. I know what you’re thinking: “Is this woman out of her freaking mind?” How!?

Pull up a chair and let me tell you.

Most of us go through life not really seeing. Especially when we’re in the same spaces everyday. You go through your routine, without ever once stopping to think about what you’re doing, or the spaces you’re in.

And chances are, you’ve never stopped – except the day you bought your house – to look at the space for the single purpose of just looking.

So today, we’re going to do just that. Just look.

Go through your day at home as usual, but instead of turning on autopilot, really consider what parts of your present house make your life easier and what parts make it oh-so-much-harder than it needs to be?

For example, do you love the fact that your kitchen is so near the master bedroom that you can slink out of bed, turn on the coffee machine and have that delicious aroma wafting through the house before you’re done brushing your teeth? Or do you hate (but you’ve gotten used to) hauling your laundry basket from the back room of the house to the laundry room in the front of the house (and dropping socks along the way so that your dog thinks you’re playing and chews said socks)?

Do you love your dedicated entryway where you can set down keys on your console table, take off your shoes while you sit on the bench or easily put away the inevitable mess kids bring home with them (backpacks, sneakers, raincoats, etc.) in the mudroom right there? Do you love how your guests have a ‘moment’ when they walk into your entry that sets the stage for the wow that is the rest of your house?

Or do you hate how your kids bedrooms are right above your own so that every time your little one gets out of bed and comes running down the hallway at 6am, you hear every loud footfall like it’s thunder?

Make your list of pain points and things you love about your house. And if you’re feeling it, think about what you’ve loved and hated about every house you’ve ever lived in. Write them down. Then arm yourself with this list when you meet with your architects to tell them what your space does and doesn’t have. It’s invaluable and will ensure that you spend less time going back and forth with your architects when they put something on the plan that you absolutely hated (and knew you hated, but never thought about).

6. Assemble Your Dream team

You may think you absolutely HAVE TO HAVE a Butler’s Pantry. But your architects draw out a plan that doesn’t have one, but instead has the most incredible kitchen and dining room layout. Are you going to scoff at their plan and INSIST you have to have what you have to have? Sure, if it’s one of your absolutes.

But you’ve already done your homework with your Interior Designer, butterfly, so you know that it’s not. You know that it was a nice-to-have, but maybe the Architects plan included something you didn’t expect that’s even nicer to have. Maybe their wall of windows was even more incredible than you could have imagined in your wildest dreams and that is worth giving up the Butler’s Pantry for.

The point is, if you want the house of your dreams and (this is key) you don’t want to spend two years designing it with the Architects to get it perfect (there is no such thing), then do yourself a favor and be flexible.

You spent months researching and asking every friend you had if they knew the best Architect, Interior Designer and Builder for your house build. And after spending hours and hours poring over countless websites and all their Instagram feeds, and meeting a ton of them, you made your final choices.

You hired the Architect, Interior Designer, and the Builder that you loved best - your DREAM TEAM - because they have decades of knowledge and experience that you don’t. Now you have to remember that they are the professionals. They do this EVERY SINGLE DAY. They know how technical things work that you have no interest in learning about. And believe it or not, many clients have a tendency to question every single thing that they do. I see this happen every day.

I know it’s your house. And it’s hard to let go of the control. I get it, buttercup, trust me!

But once you’ve given them your pain points and dreams, once you’ve shown them your ideas, sit back and let them wow you. You won’t be disappointed. If they’re worth their salt, they’ll bring you a plan that is pure magic and you’ll only make tiny little tweaks because you simply can’t improve on something so good. Trust them.

I am not a flexible person. I am as rigid as they come. And as the doc will tell you, I’m a dog with a bone when I get an idea in my head – and I get a lot of ideas in my head, especially when it pertains to building my house. But I used to come out of our architectural meetings, shaking my head in wonder, saying ‘How are they so good? The house is just perfect! I would never have thought of doing that and I love it!’

I’ve learned that even with everything I know as an interior designer, I am not an architect and I see things very differently from them. Their ability to explore and visualize spatial relationships is nothing short of amazing, even to my visually developed sense of aesthetics. So if I can sit back, then darling, anyone can!

Let them do their work and let them work their magic. Stay open minded and flexible. Once you’ve done your research and assembled your the Dream Team of your Architect, Interior Designer and Builder, then trust them and let them work together to bring you the house of your dreams on a silver platter!

7. patience

Do y’all like Guns N’ Roses? Our first dance at our wedding - the Doc’s and mine - was Patience, mainly because we both really had to exercise some serious patience during our intermittent long distance relationship (I lived in NYC and Hong Kong and he lived in Raleigh-Durham and then Charleston). Then we had a nine-month wait for my fiance visa to come through until I was allowed to move to the States and finally marry him, and we weren’t doing a very good job waiting. Fun little side story: the Doc convinced his amazing boss to let him work 21 days straight and take 9 days off every month. And then he flew to Asia. I would meet him at a different airport and we saw most of the places we wanted to that way.

Anyway, I suggest you play a lot of Axel Rose while you’re thinking about building, because Patience is perhaps the biggest skill you’re going to have to master through the build process, my friend. No lie.

You may think all this goes pretty quickly – and if you’ve got a fabulous architect (we’re looking at you Hollenbeck, it does – but there are going to plenty of periods where you’re going to have to wait on this and wait on that and just be still, waiting.

And it’ll feel like nothing is happening. Like nothing is progressing. But it is. It’s just a process and there are a whole host of moving parts that have to come together in concert to move on to the next stage. 

Case in point, the minute we bought our lot, we thought, ‘Yay, we’re ready to go!’

Nope. We were so far off. We didn’t know what we didn’t know.

Even as serial renovators – the Doc and I have gutted and put back together a little less than a dozen properties separately and together – and as an interior designer who has worked on countless renovations and new build consults, we had no idea what the pre-construction process from the absolute start felt like.

First, we had to get our elevation certificate, and our survey, and while we were waiting the three weeks it took to get those back, had to put in a call to have our gas and electrical lines ‘killed’ temporarily so that we could start demo, which took forever.

We thought that since we were so clear on what we want our floor plan and exterior elevation to look like – hell, we sent those to the architects before we even started, and the geniuses that they are took salient features and ran with it and created their own original masterpiece – we’ve agonized over So Many Little Things.

Like do we want the door to our 1/F Laundry Room to be in this hallway or through the Master Closet? Do we absolutely need to ensure our elevator shaft is wheelchair accessible in our future proofing (no one in our families use a wheelchair but it was a classic, what if?) Do we need a back door?  

And then don’t even get me started on how each week that we have to wait for our next architect’s meeting was SO agonizing! I mean waiting a whole week for those magicians to do their work isn’t a big deal, but I was always so excited to see what they had come up with next!

So if you have ants in your pants like we do, then get yourself a case of something good - actually get yourself a wine subscription (or something stronger). I know a good source, if you need one! ;)

8. TIME TO THINK/PONDER

In hindsight, the week wait between architect’s meetings is absolutely essential. Aside from my needing to develop a modicum of patience (I am NOT a patient person!), that week between visits allowed us to ponder and really chew on whether the latest draft of our floor plan worked for how we live as a family.

And that is key – how YOU live as a family may be completely different from how we live. The architects are going to suggest how luxury homes in your area are generally constructed, because resale ability is important if you’re not sure you’re going to be in your home forever. But the reality is, even if everyone in your area loves having a huge laundry room and you like to bring your laundry over to the coffee table to fold so you can catch up on the latest episode of Rock the Block (guilty), you would be sacrificing something else (a huge pantry?) to accommodate the Texas-sized laundry room.

Having said that, take what your architects suggest seriously because they design houses all day everyday and their opinions are invaluable in telling you what the market wants.

So when I pushed back on the extra-large, two-person shower with multiple shower heads that they came up with and suggested that we were perfectly happy with our 4’ square shower with a single showerhead, I had to go right back a week later and say, actually, maybe you’re onto something. Because the Doc pointed out, we currently live in a house that was built eons ago and just because we’re smaller people, doesn’t mean that our next buyers would be and they might want a little more than a coffin to shower in and we have the space, so why not?

Which leads me to…

9. don’t always let your freak flag fly…

It is super important to consider your life plans and potential plans. We plan to live in this house for a decade, at least until our girls go off to college. But our history has been telling, and we know for a fact that we get itchy to buy something janky and renovate and move every 3 years or so.

We’ve been in our current house – it had fire engine red walls and ceilings and the most crazy floor plan you’ve ever seen, but is also the most visually stunning home we’ve ever lived in – for 5 years (a record for us!).

But in truth we would have moved had the pandemic not hit. And the minute the world opened up again, what’s the first thing we did with the money we saved not going out? Yup, we went and bought a lot to build a house on.

But I digress… we were talking about resale.

Even if you think you’re going to live in this house you’re building forever, really think about whether there is a small, miniscule chance that you might need to/want to sell it at some point in the near future.

And if so, build in the essentials that that neighborhood expects so that you’ll be able to sell it quickly if you need to. Or at least, design a house that can easily be changed up in case you need to sell.

So check out the market and make sure you educate yourself on what is expected in that particular neighborhood.

• Is the house you’re planning to build going to be way too small for the neighborhood at 3500 sq ft when everything else is 6000 sq ft?

• Or are you building a 7-bedroom behemoth when the neighborhood is known for 4-bedroom homes?

• Or maybe you have an old-school smaller Master Bedroom on your plan, but most of the neighborhood has Masters that could fit in 8 king size beds or some other such ridiculousness?

So really weigh whether what you want and how you live is going to be benign enough to appeal to a wide market of buyers, if necessary.

If you’re planning on leaving this house in a coffin, then go for it – put in that crazy psychedelic tile pattern and build a mansion that has a single bedroom and looks like Darth Vader’s preferred domicile (true story – check it out here). But otherwise, try and toe at least some of the party line.

10. but keep you shining through…

And now we come full circle. While you spend time considering all the above and being flexible and patient, and absorbing information about how your community lives and what they expect, don’t let it all overwhelm you.

YOU ARE BUILDING YOUR VERY OWN HOME, maybe for the first time.

Let yourself dream and bring plenty of YOU into this home. Because it will be a home that is truly yours. You are going to pick and choose Every. Single. Thing.

So let your inner dragon fly and pick all the fabulous things you are drawn to. So yes, I’m now saying Let Your Freak Flag Fly.

I know, I just said not to. But hear me out. Figure out all your quirks that you love and write them down. Then find a happy place where you can bring them out AND if necessary, adapt them if you need to resell. Once you’ve done that mental audit, you can put in whatever you like - it’s YOUR house. And don’t let anyone tell you any different!

If I’ve done any interior design for you, you know for a fact that I’ll steer you away from things that you don’t need. That I like to value engineer and make sure you spend your cash wisely to create the beauty you want to surround yourself with.

But spend your money on things you absolutely love. Finishes and materials that tell YOUR unique story.

Building a house is a long and glorious process, but it can be a challenging one that will consume you before you even break ground. Once you figure out your design and find your builder, there are going to be a thousand and one decisions that will make the home you build be one you love and one that reflects your journey.

So believe me here when I say that if you’re starting a new house build, do yourself a favor by hiring an interior designer. The right interior designer can save you some serious overwhelm by helping you make the thousands of decisions from helping you figure out the ideal floor plan at your architects’ office to helping you understand how the natural light will work with your spaces, from picking windows to balance both style and budget, to advising on any architectural extras that add $$$ to your bottom line.

And once you have a floor plan, the designer can help you pick out everything, like:

• all the tile and how they all work together and in what patterns they should be laid out (so many tile choices!) to finding the right floors for each space,

• figuring out wall treatments and ceiling treatments, especially in the ‘wow’ areas that are meant to grab your attention and statement rooms

• kitchen cabinet design and layout from a functional and aesthetic viewpoint - a true custom design based on how YOUR family lives and uses the kitchen, as well as the right appliances for you

• placing your furniture to take advantage of your spaces and creating magical rooms from the get go, so that you can just press go and move in when the house is built.

The right interior designer can help make your life easier and your relationship more fun, because suddenly you have a professional in your corner who makes these decisions every single day helping you design the best house you can design. It is important that you find a designer who not only understands your style and how you need your home to function for you, but also works hard to unearth your story.

Check out my work and if you feel like I’m a good fit for your aesthetic, I’d be honored to help you create your dreamhouse. Reach out here and tell me about your project. But remember, I’m not the right fit for everyone - I’m very selective about the clients I take on and you should be very selective about the designer you work with. You’re going to spend a LOT of time with your designer and will need to let him or her into your life - so you must make sure you get along like a house on fire! I’m not the designer for everyone, but I am happy to help you find one that works for you, so reach out!

And another thing to remember: ALWAYS Tell A Story with your Home.

Love you, mean it!

xxx Tash

Loved reading this and want to turn your home into a space you absolutely adore? Then follow me @taashkistudios on Instagram and sign up for the Taashki Tribe newsletter below the comments! Write and tell me what you struggle with in your home design and I’ll help you through your design woes!