why does your home look like everyone else’s and what to do about it…

For a long time, I yearned to belong. To be part of something that resembled me. We’ve all been there. Hell, high school was an exercise in conformity.

Levi’s 501’s? Check.

Cherry red Doc Maarten boots? Check.

Crew socks that you pushed down into folds around your ankles? Check.

Palazzo black pants? Check.

Cat’s eye eyeliner? Check.

Bodysuits? Check.

Been there.

Done that.

Conformity achieved. Ding, ding, ding!

Except that I didn’t belong. Inside me, I knew that I didn’t fit in.

I flitted between everyone. I could party with the popular crowd and go to the tram parties and beer buffets way before we were old enough to drink. I could hang with the nerds because I was smarter than I cared to admit, lest I be labeled ‘geek’. I loved my time with my ‘art crew’ and spent every waking minute in the 5/F art room area at the desk that was mine and mine alone, singing Bohemian Rhapsody with the other art kids that didn’t belong anywhere, and painting every chance I got. And I also played my instrument (voice) to jam with the incredibly talented music majors, and wrote songs that I cannot believe I had the chance to record and get feedback on.

I could hang with each of them, and yet I belonged to none of them. Like a dragonfly or a hummingbird, I awkwardly hovered around them – always welcome – but always feeling like I was never completely part of them. Like I was making some part of myself up.

Why in the world am I bringing this up in an interior design newsletter/blog post?

Because my darlings, as I have grown older, I have come to realize that this is not my plight alone. Many clients have called me and asked me to design one kind of house - one that is 'on trend' and that they could impress their friends and family with, and show that they have ‘arrived’ - but upon digging deeper, we've discovered who they are, and we’ve ended up designing another. An amalgam of styles and a fun mix of histories, that truly tells the story of the journey they've been on. A home that could belong to no one else but them. And they’ve realized that the house that looked like everyone else - the one they saw in a magazine somewhere - THAT wasn’t them at all. But the space that we designed, after hearing their experiences, and digging deep through their collections, after hearing them laugh, and delving through their loves and hates - THAT house became home.

This is all to say, don’t chase the trends. There is NO reason your home should look like anyone else's. Here's why... 

We’re not in high school anymore. 

In real life, there is no popular crowd.

We have no one to please, but ourselves. 

No one to impress, but ourselves.

No one to look up to, but the mentors WE choose. 

No goals to reach but the ones WE set.

No trends to follow. It’s the people that decide which trends are trendy. And guess what, WE ARE the people.

Spoiler Alert: The trends just mean that EVERYONE is following them and really, do you want a home that looks like everyone else’s?

I don’t.

I want a home that feels like ME and MY family.

That LOOKS like me and my family.

That reminds me of our journey. 

We all search so hard for belonging. And as I watch my daughter and her best friends enter their teen years, their tribe work so hard to BE a tribe. They work to SHOW they are a tribe by trying to be the same. That is what you do when you’re a teenager, looking to fit in. But she will learn eventually, as I did, that the very things that set you apart as a teenager (or any other time) ARE exactly what make you unique and special. And as an adult, it is those very things that I love the most and celebrate – those very things that make me WHO I AM. It is those things that I now shout from the rooftops and like to highlight in bold, neon lights. Because that is me.

And there is nothing more important to me in my design ethos that my home reflect that. That my home be a sanctuary, and a reminder of all the things my family holds dear. I want to ensure that every time my family walks in the door, we are reminded of exactly who we are.

I want the guitars on display to remind my youngest daughter that she somehow gained this incredible sense of rhythm, and can remember the words to every song known to man; that she has followed in her mama’s footsteps and has become the ‘little jukebox’ to her mama’s ‘jukebox’ nickname.

I want my older daughter to see the paintings that she painted when she was not even 2-years-old that we called ‘Four Seasons’ and played Vivaldi’s ‘Four Seasons’ to, and that we were offered money for, when she was barely 7 years old (!!!), and know that she can do amazing things in the world. Things that people find incredible. 

I want the song ‘Patience’ by Guns n’ Roses, that is emblazoned on a large gold plaque in our kitchen – that was our song and the one we danced to at our Reception – to spark memories each time we see it and make us smile.

And in the end, our home will be – IS – gorgeous. And even as we settle in to our new home, every stage of it will be gorgeous. But what is more important, is that our home well and truly tells our stories.

There is no greater compliment to me than someone saying that our home is so ‘Us’.

I don’t give a damn about what’s trendy; about the white kitchen or the quartz countertops that everyone ‘should’ have or that 'this is what everyone is doing right now’ or anything else. I’ll do what I like, what I please.

And I guess the point of this rant is giving you, my friend, permission – not that you need my permission – but still, saying to you that you have a designer’s blessing to choose what you love and what makes you happy in your space. And to build your home slowly. To collect what you love over time.

We can make what you love look beautiful by pairing it with things that balance it. That is the ‘art’ and ‘balance’ part of interior design. To say, don’t feel like you have to follow what everyone else does – or what HGTV does – to be ‘trendy’. Trends are for people who don’t know what they are doing. And the very fact that you are here means that you do know. It tells me that you know who you are or are actively searching for your own voice. And it also tells me that you are working towards creating something that is truly yours.

And if you want some help, know that we’re always here.

Because remember, this Taashki Tribe that we are - we do everything. We just don’t do boring!

Love you. Mean it.

Xx Tash

P.S. This was all inspired after reading this FABULOUS article. Totally worth a read: https://www.alexmurrell.co.uk/articles/the-age-of-average

Love you, mean it!

xxx Tash 

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